Why am I dating you? Why am I fucking dating you? Why do I feel this way about you now? I never planned this. I never planned on loving you either. Do I love you? Do I want to be with you? So many things are running through my mind. I hope this is because of all the anger I have inside.
I love you, there’s no doubt about that, but what are we doing? I’ve been angry these past few weeks and I don’t know why. I see all the bad that’s in you lately. I can find some good aspects, but why is the bad overpowering the good? I’m trying to look at the brightside of things, but I’m having trouble with that.
I don’t know what this is. What are we? It’s not you and I, it’s us. I just…I wish I knew what else to say.
I used to write so much. I used to be able to put everything into words. I was looking through my archive, and man, I wrote so much. I wish I could write like that today. It’s like an excerpt from a novel. Wow. I miss writing about that, but that was — at a difficult time. It is still a difficult time. I don’t know. I make no sense nowadays, that I don’t bother writing.
Looking back at the things I’ve wrote, DAMN I’M STUPID.
Everything’s falling apart. I’m all over the place. I barely trust people know, except for like 5 people. I don’t know what’s going on. I keep hoping and praying things will get better. Is it working? Not even. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t stop crying. I would just start crying out of nowhere. I’d be sitting there, and I want to cry. What’s wrong with me? I can’t keep living like this. Fuck my life. Fuck this, fuck her, fuck him, fuck everything.
Gosh, I fucking miss writing my thoughts out. But then, I stopped. Why? You actually care, or you’re just curious. I don’t wanna put my life out there.
Fuck what they thing. This is OUR relationship, not OURS plus THEIRS.
I don’t care about what you think. I could care less actually. What we do doesn’t have any relevance to your life, so fuck off. Let us make our mistakes, have our arguments, etc. Just…go away.
It’s our lives, not yours. You go do you.
Before, it was so easy for me to write. I’d ramble on forever, writing about whatever was going on in my mind. As for now, I have nothing to write about. I don’t know how I feel about certain things. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t even understand. I know there are some things I’ll never understand. And that’s a part of life. I just wish I was able to put my thoughts into words, like what I’m doing now. I’ve just been…unable to do so.
My life, my choices, my mistakes, etc.
My everything.
Mess with someone I care about, cross the line, or anything of that matter, I will flip a shit.
So what I said today, I meant it. So just back off. And this time, I’m being nice.
